{"id":76,"date":"2010-08-28T07:00:00","date_gmt":"2010-08-28T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/2010\/08\/28\/how-to-make-the-major-leagues\/"},"modified":"2019-03-31T09:08:29","modified_gmt":"2019-03-31T13:08:29","slug":"how-to-make-the-major-leagues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/2010\/08\/28\/how-to-make-the-major-leagues\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Make The Major Leagues"},"content":{"rendered":"

For many years now I have known the secret to making it as a player in Major League Baseball.\u00a0 In fact, this secret is so potent that I actually believe that it could be the key to creating the first woman<\/b> big leaguer.\u00a0 I’ve kept this under wraps for quite some time, hoping to use it myself, but in the spirit of sharing I’ve decided to go public.<\/span><\/p>\n

Obviously there are certain things that will help a player achieve success in baseball.\u00a0 You could be a genetic freak like Barry Bonds<\/a> (son of former star Bobby Bonds<\/a> and cousin of Hall of Famer Reggie Jackson<\/a>) or Ken Griffey, Jr<\/a>. (whose father<\/a> was a key member of the 1970’s “Big Red Machine” Cincinnati Reds).\u00a0 You could work hard to overcome size and speed limitations, like Pete Rose<\/a>, David Eckstein<\/a>, or my boyhood hero Larry Bowa<\/a>.\u00a0 Regardless of which route you take, it is expected that a future pro will hit thousands of balls each year, practice fielding for hours every day and follow a detailed workout and diet regimen.<\/span><\/p>\n

Or you could do it my way…<\/span><\/p>\n

According to HowManyofMe.com, there are 44,385 people named John Smith<\/a> in America.\u00a0 This is unquestionably a popular name.\u00a0 Since 1876, three people with this name have played major league baseball.\u00a0 According to the same source, there are 50 people named Ethan Lewis at this point in time (we are a rare breed), and nobody with my name has ever played in the bigs.\u00a0 The website also reveals that there are only 17 people in America named “Steve Ontiveros”<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0 With such a miniscule number of people, it would be natural to assume that no Steve Ontiveros ever made the Show.\u00a0 But that would be wrong. From 1973-2000, TWO DIFFERENT MEN<\/b> calling themselves “Steve Ontiveros” played in the majors.<\/span><\/p>\n

The first Steve Ontiveros<\/a> (SO1) played 8 seasons for the Giants and Cubs from 1973-1980.\u00a0 This Steve Ontiveros was a third baseman and utility player with a weedy mustache and a thin build<\/a>. He was born in 1951 in Bakersfield, California. I remember him from when I was young, but he didn’t stand out in any particular way.\u00a0 I mean, it’s not like the 9 year old me had an epiphany about the significance of Steve Ontiveros.\u00a0 No.\u00a0 That came later…<\/span><\/p>\n

The second Steve Ontiveros (SO2) to make the majors pitched 10 seasons for the A’s, Phillies, Mariners and Red Sox between 1985 and 2000, earning approximately $2 million for a 34-31 record and an ERA of 3.67. This Steve Ontiveros was a right handed pitcher with a weedy mustace and a thin build<\/a>. When he first showed up on the scene, I thought it was a miraculous late-career position switch for SO1.\u00a0 Even when I saw him on tv, I thought it was the same guy (just with different facial hair).\u00a0 But soon I learned that SO2 was born in 1961 in Tularosa, New Mexico.\u00a0 That was when I realized the key:<\/span><\/p>\n

If you are named “Steve Ontiveros” you will make the major leagues!<\/span><\/p>\n

If my wife and I ever\u00a0 have children, I will change my last name to “Ontiveros” immediately. Clearly naming a son “Steven” or and this is key<\/b> a girl “Stephanie” is a must (obviously her nickname of “Stevie” will be on her baseball card).\u00a0 Or, you could scour the various state departments of youth services and try to find a foster child already named “Steve Ontiveros”.\u00a0 Then all you need to do is buy the kid a glove and a bat and call some scouts.\u00a0 The rest will take care of itself.\u00a0 Remember, SO2 became a millionaire despite a very hittable fastball.\u00a0 In today’s big money game, imagine what SO3 could earn.\u00a0 It goes beyond the dreams of avarice.\u00a0 So good luck, Mr. or Ms. Ontiveros.\u00a0 I look forward to watching your career!<\/span><\/p>\n

Views: 355<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For many years now I have known the secret to making it as a player in Major League Baseball.\u00a0 In fact, this secret is so potent that I actually believe that it could be the key to creating the first woman big leaguer.\u00a0 I’ve kept this under wraps for quite some time, hoping to use […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":467,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[344],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-76","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-steve-ontiveros"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=76"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":349,"href":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76\/revisions\/349"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/467"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=76"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=76"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ethanlewis.org\/icarus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=76"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}